By Dr. Lauren Friedman, Director for Student Success, TCSPP
I started my college journey in Fall of 2007. Like many freshmen, it was my first time away from home and my first time truly on my own – no one in my family had been to college, so no one could tell me what to expect. I was lucky in that I was only two and a half hours from home, and that I had a friend from high school who would be my roommate. Plus, I was starting out in a great place – I had great grades in high school and had been accepted into the honors program at the university.
My first semester was rough – I focused more on hanging out with my new friends, sleeping in (even though I had 8am classes), going on trips, and having fun than I did on why I was actually at school – the academic side! At the end of that term, my GPA was below a 2.0 - I was on academic probation, I had lost my scholarship, and was removed from the honors program that I had been so excited for. I was embarrassed – how did I let this happen? I had ALWAYS done well in school.
When I look back on it, I think it is a combination of many things. One of the biggest being that I was never prepared to be on my own. All of a sudden over a weekend I was now in charge of my own life – my own meals, laundry, ensuring I had enough time to study, making myself get sleep – and I had no idea how to balance that. I also had no idea going into college that I could not just float through it as I had much of high school. College was very
different than high school, and I really was not expecting that. I also did not know that there were resources available to me, like a tutoring center and academic advisors, that could have helped me in my courses. That is the major disadvantage to being a first generation student – you don’t know what is available to you. Sure, they go over these things at new student orientation, but I don’t think that many students are able to retain all of the information they’re given at new student orientation.
Second semester, I started to get involved in on campus student organizations. This allowed me the opportunity to connect with students who were juniors and seniors, who were able to guide me to resources that I did not know existed. While we weren’t in an official mentorship program, these students that I had a connection with outside of the classroom space became pseudo-mentors. They not only opened my eyes to resources, but reminded me the importance of balancing the academic side of college with the non-academic. And while my first semester’s GPA kept effecting me because it always brought down my cumulative average, I was able to bring my grades up and graduate.
After graduation, I applied to two Masters programs. One at the same university where I completed my undergraduate degree, and one that was a program at a well-known institution. I got into both and had my choice. Ultimately, I stayed at my same university. That first semester of not knowing about resources, and losing the connections that I had worked so hard to create, was prominent in my mind. While I hoped that it would be different in graduate school, since I had four years at a college under my belt, but there was
no way to know. Staying at my university felt safe because there were less unknowns. I didn’t have to re-learn all the ropes.
And it is different in graduate school. Students are more focused on the academic side of it. Students in a graduate program are there to learn the specific skills they need for a career
that they, most of the time, know they want. And while friends and social aspects during graduate school are nice, at the end of the day, we are here for an academic purpose. The vibe is very different. Graduate students often have more “adult” lives – more responsibilities, families, jobs, etc. And while I was lucky to be able to focus full time on school, I know that is not the case for everyone.
When my cousin decided to go to college, I felt like I needed to give him advice and things that others in the family couldn’t. For his high school graduation, I gave him a gift basket full of very random things that the family did not understand – things like Catchphrase the game so he could have something to bond with friends, a dry erase board for his dorm door, post it notes, a planner (back before smart phones were really a thing) … random things with no rhyme or reason as to why. In a small way, I was hoping that this would help him to feel more prepared.
After my Master’s, I went on to complete my PhD in Organizational Leadership here at TCSPP. I was the first person in my family to go to college, and I just kept going. Being a first generation doctoral student was also a new experience. My grandmother did not understand that when I was done I would not be a medical doctor. My family had no idea what a dissertation was or why I was so stressed out over it. “You’re a great writer and you’ve never had a problem with writing papers before” was their go-to comforting saying for me. They did not know what Comps were, or why I was printing out stacks of articles, or why I needed to actually complete my readings for class. They did not understand why I would say I couldn’t go somewhere because I needed to work on my dissertation, or why I was paying for a co-working space to get out of the house to write my dissertation. And while I was confident in my ability to navigate the program, since I worked for the school and I knew the resources, it was difficult, and sometimes very frustrating, that they did not understand.
I am now Dr. Lauren Friedman. I don’t often acknowledge my journey – from academic probation to PhD. But I think that sharing our stories can help future first generation students find the confidence to know that they can do it. They can succeed. Their families might not understand, and might not be able to physically help them, but there are resources and other people who do understand the struggle.
To other first gen students, my advice to you is to find another student and form a bond. Make friends. It can be tough in graduate school to make friends, but when your family does not understand why you are in a rut because you found an article that already did the study you wanted to do, the other student will. If you can, get involved – work a few hours at the front desk on campus, or join a student organization, or TA for a course. It will help you build relationships with not only other students, but with faculty and staff who know about resources and who can help guide you when you get lost. But most importantly – don’t forget why you’re here and why you chose this program. Keep that in mind and you’ll have the motivation to power through and figure things out.
And, if you ever need advice or want to vent, my email door is always open. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me. From one first gen student to another – you can do this.
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